Home Sweet Home at last...

Having Joseph home has been just like welcoming a new baby.
We have to get to know his personality and what he likes and does
not like..
I'm trying to teach my older children that yes this has been very stressful
but when you look at Joseph you know it's worth it.
Every time you add a new child into your family it takes off another layer of
selfishness...It's hard..I have no time to feel sorry for myself or to get on the
phone for hours and talk about how hard life is. I have no time to go shopping
or just go hang out with friends. Now I know why God wants us to have alot of kids
because it keeps us at home and out of trouble..it's forces us to depend on each other within our family. It keeps me hanging on to my husband for his support and advice.
It's crazy around here right now.....You wouldn't think adding one more little boy
would shake things up so much but......it has.
Our world is changed our home has changed...all because of Jo and In the midst of
all the craziness I can honestly say I see God..I see him laughing at me when there
is food all over the place. I see him smiling when all I feel like I do is change poop diapers I hear his voice when I get scared he tells me that he brought Jo into our life for a reason and not to doubt him...I feel his grace and forgiveness when
I lose my cool or feel over whelmed... I see him growing Taylor and Tucker.. I see them rising up to the responsibility of helping us run our house-hold right now.
They too are changing diapers and holding crying little ones. They are being a comfort to their brothers and sisters and honoring Scott and I ..Having them
along side of me gives me incredible unspeakable joy.....
Alot of families I know try and take all the hard-ship out of their children's life.
Protecting them from all disappointments and not expecting their help...Scott and I have never felt like this was the thing to do. We have always taught our children that this life will disappoint you. Friends will disappoint you and yes even your family will not live up to your expectations....One day when you marry your spouse will let you down.....It's through the ups and downs of life that Christ grows us.
It's in the hard times that he waters us and shines his sunshine on us and helps
us to grow stronger and straighter....In his word it says that we should count it all joy when we go through trails and tribulations...because it's then that Christ says I have something to teach you through all of this.....
I pray that our family can and will be forever teachable. Not perfect just willing to learn from the great teacher Christ..........
I pray we continue to teach them that people or circumstances don't make you happy.
We have to put our trust in the Lord..We have had great times as a family. We have also had hard times as a family. We have shared it all with our children and they have grown right beside us along the way....My prayer is that when Taylor goes to get married and her husband struggles that she will be a support to him and lift him up .
I pray that Tuck will be able to put the needs of his wife above his own.....
After all we are supposed to put others first and how else will we learn this if everyone is always putting us first....How else will our kids learn this if we are always making their road smooth....or always making sure they never go through any bumps in life and then when they get married Bam here is this person that don't make everything alright for them......you get the point.....
I said all of that to say :
Thanks to my family for being the only people on this earth I want to go through hard times with..With you guys around it hardly seems hard at all..We will get through this and get Joseph better and we will look back and see God's fingerprints and see how much we have learned through it all....I love you..

Saying Goodbye to her son

As I watched her watch me with her son I found myself feeling guilty.
How can I be so happy and she is so sad. She is praising God that he will
get the help he needs and she tells me Thank you over and over again.
I tell her that I will take care of him and I will make sure he goes to school..
She again thanks me. I'm not looking for thanks I'm just trying to let her
know that I will be a good mama to him.
In every picture I have of Joseph she is wearing a sterling silver necklace and
matching ear-rings she has it on today as well. She takes them off and hands them
to me and says I want you to have these... How can she give me anything else.
I cry and she cryes and we hug each other. I will never forget her embrace for as
long as I live. I will never forget the way she held our son for the last time and
told him "Jospeh I love you and I want you to grow up strong and mind your mama and papa. Go to school and learn and never forget about your sister." I lost it..
I will never let him forget her I will remind him of her love and devotion to him.
She gave him life two times. She gave him up so that he would live and I know this.
She gave him up so that his heart could be fixed while hers would be forever broken.

A sick baby

I took Jo to the guest house and changed his clothes and loved on him alot.
He seemed sick....He would just go to sleep and sleep for an hour or so and wake
up for alittle while then back to sleep..He had never had anything to eat besides
milk three times a day so he was very hungry and weak and dehydrated. He could not
use his hands to feed himself and he could not use his feet at all...I started feeding
him and making him drink alot and we got him some antibiotics..He started feeling better
after a couple of days...He would eat anything I put in front of him...He didn't know when to stop though...I spent hours laying in bed with him. Holding him and talking to him..I made sure when he would fall asleep that I would be there when he woke up...
I wanted and needed him to know that I would take care of him and look after him even when he was asleep...I would wake up in the middle of the night and just stare at him and wonder how come our family was chosen to be apart of this little blessings life.
His color could be purple. His color does not matter. His color is the color of my little Liberian son..whom I've fallen head over heels for.

My trip around the world.

I can't explain to anyone how going to Africa has changed me forever.
It was the scariest journey of my life mixed with the sweetest love for
a litte boy.
When we arrived in Liberia it was crazy. The heat literally knocked you
down. The airport was hot hot hot and we had to stand in lines and let them look
at your pass-ports and stuff.
I finally get outside and see Rich the AOH staff and I run to him and I wanna
hug him but I don't. I say oh your here thank you. He looks at me and says
who are you? I say Robin and he says Oh well your apt with the embassy got bumped
and I'm here to pick up another family. My knees felt weak and I was sick at my stomach.
He found Cameron and we proceeded to the truck. We get in and drive for an hour and a half to the guest house. I was so scared and I really would have gotten back on that airplane if I could of. The roads were hellish and his driving matched. He didn't talk much but he asked me who are you adopting and I said Joseph. He said who? I don't know him..He lives at the guest house Joseph lives at the guest house. My stomach churned....I was crying in the back seat wondering what have I done.
I wanted to be home with Scott and the kids. I wanted to have Jo escorted.......
It was too late now though. As we drove along all I could see was total darkness
and fires everywhere. You knew people were out there but you couldn't see anyone.
We started getting into the city and I couldn't believe my eyes. There was thousands
of people everywhere . It was so crowded they couldn't move. They were yelling and horns were blowing and I was thinking to myself I'm so far away from everything I know and from everyone I know. Scott couldn't find me if he wanted to.
We arrived at the guest house it is a huge gated little community. Linda had us supper waiting and I felt at ease for the first time since arriving.
It was HOT ......It should of been it was Africa after all. I went to take a shower and I couldn't figure out how to turn the hot water on, well there was no hot water only cold. So I took a cold shower and fell into my bed and slept all night.
I awoke early there was coffee, I was very grateful for any thing familiar.
I kept looking over at the little house that had the reason I came all the way across the world for. In a matter of mins I was going to go meet my son Joseph and I was overwhelmed with emotions.
As I walked up the steps the door was open and I looked in to see Little Joseph looking up at me. I could of picked him out of any group. He is my son.
I slowly sat down next to him and started talking and touching him slowly. He would not look at me in the eyes but I knew that was part of it.I gently picked him up and held him for the first time and I knew it was all worth it. He was worth anything I was going to have to go through. He lay ed his head on my chest and I couldn't believe that I had made it to this point.I had my son...Thank you Lord. He was weak and he was scared and so was I........
Our journey as mother and son had just begun.........

Africa....

hello from Africa

hi everyone I have Joseph!!He is doing so well.
He is the cutest thing I have ever seen..
he is well..he is so cute (did I mention that)!!
I really believe staying in the guest house and all
of his friends and nannies are here has helped make the
transtion easier. We have gone over three or four times a day
to play with all of his friends...

We have bonded great..He is a easy little boy....

My last post from the USA

I can't explain the emotions I'm going through right this very minute.
Everyone is calling wishing me well travels.
My house is cleaned and dinner is in the oven.
My bags are by the door and my paper work is finished.
My heart is so heavy with leaving my children behind.
My heart is so full with the thought of meeting Joseph for the first time.
I have packed his bag with his little toys and clothes and I'm not sure anything
I'm bringing him will fit. I'm not sure what he likes to eat or what formula
he is on. I don't know him at all. So if you can walk with me when I kneel down
for the first time and raise his little body up to mine. What is that going to
feel like? For him and me? I hope he can see alittle of his mom in me at that
moment.I hope I can breath my life into him, so that he knows that I have come
along way be able to lift him up and hold him close. But my road is in no way a
comparison to the road he has had to travel. Losing his mom..I pray that God will use
me to super glue the cracks back together again. Losing something or someone is
never something you can just move on from. You have to heal and you have to trust
The Lord that he sees the BIG picture when we only see the little.
My life is about to change. Our life is about to change. We are bringing this little
guy home and I can't wait.

Write more from Africa,
much love,
Robin

I'm packing.......

Just a quick note to let you know I'm REALLY going..
I'm packing and getting very nervous..
I'm already missing my kiddos.
Half of my suit case is food.I intend to bribe my little boy
into loving his white mama..
I will be blogging while I'm there.
Hey if any of you have special needs kids and they are staying
in the special needs guest house with Joseph stay tuned I will
give you blow by blow.....

love,
Robin

What am I feeling right now?

I have had several people ask me how I feel about going to Africa and bringing
home a baby. All I can say is blessed. I truly feel like children are a wonderful
gift from our Lord and savior and I feel as though he has wrapped up this big package
and it's beautifully wrapped and he has handed it to Scott and I...
I can't wait to get on that airplane that will take me one step closer to holding
my son....All of the sleepless nights and worries over paper work have been exhausting.
As I get to this point on this journey it's amazing to me as I look back and see God's
hands every step of the way.
It's one week from today that I leave and my whole house is turned up side down with a very bad virus..Yet there is a song in my heart that I know that all it well...

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,(Africa)
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
Psalm139:9-10

Flying in an airplane looking out the window watching the clouds go by....

We spent our day at an airshow with my dad.....It is one of the first memories that my children will have of my father..It was a beautiful day and one I will not forget..
My dad taught me to drive when I was 10 years old. On this day my dad asked Taylor to drive him around so he could see what kinda driver she would be(she is 14). After they drove around for 15mins he looked at me and said "you have nothing to worry about with her she is very careful." I have enjoyed my time with pops. It is bittersweet because now I see what my kids having been missing not having a grandpa around.....

11 days and counting....till I see Joseph