Celebrating Motherhood

Waking up and hearing the familiar sounds of my life going on about me.

Then......my dream comes flooding back to me.
Slowly at first frame by frame and then as if pushing some
unspoken button in my mind the flood gate of my
tears start streaming.
I'm watching my dad swing and I want to go to him but
Scott is telling me we need to go. I'm pulling and watching my dad.
He is just swinging. He is waving and I'm yelling "Dad I love you."

I have to be honest. I never expected losing my father to be this hard. He
was not a huge part of my life in respect to my day to day.
I never thought that I would be dealing with grief this some 8 weeks after his death.
I walk, I talk, I laugh, I teach, I love and I grieve all at the same time.
Some days I laugh often, other days I cry alot. I remember him everyday.
Oh I wonder if his face will always be where I can remember.
I don't want to forget the 'good things.'

Seeing someone that has died in a dream is the strangest thing. It's comforting in a way like
a summer thunderstorm is comforting.
You look out your window and know that this part of
summer.
Just as the leaves falling are part of fall.
I'm comforted that grief is a process and I'm comforted by a dear friend that reminds me often to take it slow.( thanks Kat)

So for today I ride the wave of grief and pray that tomorrow will be a smaller wave.