Given over

I wonder sometimes if perhaps I'm in over my head. Wondering if the cloth I'm cut out of is strong enough to sustain me.
and knowing it is.
Clinging to my Fathers promises that He knows the path I'm on and that He set me here and He is the one that keeps me walking on it. The road that has me at the feet of Jesus more and more asking for guidance and begging for wisdom. Saying a prayer before my feet even touch the ground in the morning that I can teach the things that He wants me to teach. Asking daily for the ability to be their mom. and not just be their mom but celebrate being their mother. there is a difference. Living freely, love poured out, and without reservations. Giving each one what they need and knowing who needs what when.
Catching them living their life on this farm and never forgetting the only reason I'm here..by the grace of a Heavenly Father who forgave me for so many stupid things I did and in spite of myself He put me on His front lines.. Motherhood.
 

This job of mine is an honor beyond any words that I could ever type here. I feel like I'm always learning something new about myself. Learning to die to myself and living to tell about it. It gets easier, something else gets broken or I have no time to myself and I learn I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. As a friend of mine once said "it's time we all put on our big girl panties". I am a big girl now and learning to act like one all the time has taken me years of practice and some repentance, and shoot I still get it wrong..Alot..but I don't do this front line stuff for them as much as for HIM. I want to bring Him honor for all He's done for me. 

I want my kids to know that when they do something it shouldn't be because I want them to, it should be because they want to bring honor and glory to their heavenly Father. This takes training and this is what the front lines is all about. It's all about the everyday.    

It's all about remembering I'm here to serve and serving is tiring. Taking chances to have more children or to adopt or to go on a mission trip or a hundred other things is all about having the desire to pour yourself out at the feet of Jesus and saying I will serve. I will not count the cost..I will serve.

"So let us not get tired of what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up." Galatians 6:9