The confessions of a mom of many.

We took a road trip to the beach over the weekend for a friends wedding. It took more effort than usual because we had been fighting a virus and several was just getting it. We finally got everything packed

and into the car and we headed out to make memories.

My head crowded with thoughts..You know the thoughts of 

My kids are growing up and I feel like
 I'm feeling my way through the dark in this thing called parent-hood.

Yeah those thoughts

I read books and most importantly the bible but it's just hard sometimes.
Anything worth doing is hard though.

It doesn't help that when we get sick it takes 2 weeks to get over it because there are so many of

us. I'm tired and I feel used up after 2 weeks. I feel sorry for the last one to get sick because my gentleness

and nurturing nature feels like some made up story..a bad made up story at that.        

 Being a Parent to adults is so much harder than I ever imagined. Trying to keep your thoughts to yourself and trying to let them go without hanging on for dear life. Just letting go and trusting in the Lord. I keep reminding myself that we have been faithful and that in the end they leave.


I'm thankful for her leaving it was good and his leaving is coming up.
You forget the leaving when they're little.

I tell ya it wants me to slow things way down

when you experience a couple of them leave the nest.

I spend more time in bed-time good-nights. Laying under the covers and holding hands.
Tickling round bellies and holding sick little hot girls.
They don't have leaving on their mind but I do.
{I know that sounded like a song.}

I put up Christmas lights in everyone's windows with paper snow flakes to remind myself

that this season is temporal and I want to enjoy it in all it's glory.

Lights, food and their laughter.

When you're in deep waters in parenting it can seem overwhelming and never-ending but you will reach

shore one day and it's so easy when they're little.

 They eat after you and drink after you.

kiss you in public and stand and talk to you when you go the the bathroom.

They snuggle up close and don't mind you acting crazy.

You don't have to dress up or wear make-up they just love you.

I just love little kids.

The magical season of child-hood is amazing

It's such a gift and so many times young moms try and rush the most beautiful 

time in their life. The busyness of everyday crowding your mind of the beautiful that this season offers.

The weeds of right now hiding the fruit

I'm older you know. I see what the years do to a mom of many.

The years of little sleep and the body that just can't snap back is a constant reminder

of my age and I ask myself would I change anything and the answer is always no, not one little thing.

I earned every little battle scar and I will not cover them up so the world thinks better of me.
I'm not dressed up
My hair may or may not have been combed for the day.
sometimes I just forget if I did or didn't.
My latest fashion is something I can work in get dirty in and
not stress if it gets dirty because it will.

My husband knows what 10 pregnancies did to my body as well as my heart because he

was there fighting with me through each and every one. So I don't have to cover up for him

he knows and him and the Lord are the only ones who really know what a day in my garden is.
So when he comes home and I look tired it's because
I am tired. I'm a stay at home mom and I'm slap wore out by 6.30

Wear your scars well..Don't beat yourself up because you're not perfect or because other 

women don't have the same scars; decide to love yourself and to thank God for allowing you
the work before you.

Being a mom to 1 or 10 will bring scars and my children are worth the battle   

    

 I hear of so many women struggling with fatigue and why not?

We are doing one of the most demanding jobs in the world you're gonna be tired.

Your gonna blow it but pick up your pack and keep moving.
Can you tell I'm the mother of an Eagle Scout.. 

I have a big garden to tend right now with 8 kids minus 1 add 1..(We have a special guy living with us
right now.) So tending my garden takes lots of weeding everyday. If I don't weed
well the day before I have double duty the next. Its no-ones fault except my own.

A beautiful garden doesn't just happen it takes work.
It takes planning
It takes the want to...

I want to step into this garden that the Lord has so blessed me with and tackle
the weeds of the day.
I don't worry about the weeds of tomorrow but just kneel in the deep rich dirt of today
and get dirty. Get my hands dirty in the soil of their heart.
     

On our road where we live it's old country land. The gardens of each 

farmer proudly on display winter or summer.

The soil being tilled and turned in the winter preparing for the next harvest.

In the summer our neighbors skillful hands constantly bent to pull weeds

or behind their big tractors. Their gardens stand tall and strong I look out my car

window and watch them work. Year after year. Garden after Garden.

Their craftsmanship on display for everyone to see.

Each family has their own way some have a late garden and some an early garden

some don't plant until after the first frost, some do.

Same with parenting I suppose.

We each have a garden and we'll each produce an end product

but we might do it different.

But you produce something  

we all produce something.

My gardening Techniques would make Mr. Green or Mr. Cuzzort  

laugh a little I suppose but we must work it out and learn something new

everyday until  

Until the day when 

She will move off the farm and have her on little plot of land 3 hours south.

She will start tending her own dirt and dirt is dirty and she will have

to kneel in the stuff and keep the hard clots of life soft and manageable.

 I pray I taught her enough 

I will not quit gardening even when my back is bent and my hands tremble I will
always be a gardener for the Lord.
My garden will be on display for generations to come and so while I'm able I will
pull weeds and till the dark rich soil that holds tomorrows fruit.

Gardening from The Farm

Why we let her marry a guy with no job..

On this day we gave our daughter to this guy, John Lewis Porter.

See below:

He is not perfect, he doesn't have a job, he's still in school..

but when he asked for Taylor's hand we said yes because with a help meet we pray that God will use her to help him accomplish all the Lord wants to accomplish in John's life.

We have raised her to be a helpmeet not a "kept" meet.

So she needs to be walking along side of him; cooking him great meals and keeping the home fires burning as he finishes up school.

I pray she blesses his socks off. 

  

The tiny gift delivered to us on that day in April. Everyone telling me to enjoy her while she is young, the thumb sucking, rabbit carrying, blonde haired baby doll that changed us forever.

She was and is strong willed.

I know I never told y'all.... She was my to date biggest parenting challenge.

 I can say that now since she is happily married:)

Smart and determined. 

I grew up different. I was insecure and my father was not involved in my life.

So raising a very secure, smart, beautiful, God fearing daughter came with many "moments".

We spent hours cooking, talking, singing and dancing in my tiny kitchen here on the farm.

I knew one day that my kitchen would not hold her anymore and she would have her own kitchen to build memories in and her own suds in her sinks and I thought surely I would be prepared.. and in the end I am prepared but it's a process of letting go.
There is a Taylor void in my home. My little girls dealing with their sister being gone.
Right now we're in "do the next thing" mode.
 We're surviving with lots of phone calls and text and an early morning Sunday text that said

 " I miss you, can we meet in the middle?"

and we drove to the middle and I breathed her in and loved on her and

assured her...she assured me.

and we drove home me thinking all along that she would be getting back in the car with us

but remembering she would go with John. I forgot.

The little girls thinking she was coming home now.

Just yesterday Josie packed a bag and said I'm moving to Auburn.

I understand I said..I'll miss you and she laid her head on my shoulder and said I miss Tay-tay.

Fight back tears.

I know baby I miss Tay-tay, too.

What do you say we go cook in that big ole kitchen of ours?

So she laid her backpack on her bed for the time being and we cooked all day long.  

Her wedding was beautiful. Charming and very family focused just like Taylor and John.

Yes, she is young and he is too and that makes it all the more beautiful.

Why not marry young?

 Go through the cycle of life with the person you will spend the rest of your life with.

It is not good for man to be alone God said it and we need, in my opinion, to apply it more these days.

So many older people saying why are you getting married so young? Live your life..have fun.

I always taught her to give her life..and she did. The one life she has on this earth she gave

to John and I'm so happy she chose to give. 

 The weekend went by in a blur. But we couldn't have done it without help from my best friend Anna and Carl and Leah and the Butler family. Our friends who stayed until every last decoration was up and stayed until 1:30 in the morning until every last decoration was down. There are no words for friends who stayed with us every step of the way to make sure we didn't forget anything or if we did would go get it for us. 

They didn't leave.. thank y'all so much<3 nbsp="" p="">

 My sweet hubby took off from work to help with every little detail even though

he's not a detail guy.

 He's amazing and I appreciate his strong arms as we make this

transition.  

 there were tears.. not because I'm un-happy because change is change

Change is good sometimes but it's also very hard.

This young man was my rock. I'm so thankful he is calm and easy going because I would get stressed and he would say, "mom it's ok." I love you Tucker...You are an amazing son and brother. I'm thankful for you.

Thanks to this group of young ladies who helped make her day very special.

Y'all were so much fun.. 

 Dancing with the two men in her life.

 praying over John and Taylor

first kiss

Like children marriage is a gift and we are giving praise to The Lord

for Taylor and John's marriage.

Oct 26,2013

The weekend in pictures