And we're all in

I'm finally an older woman. 

I'm that woman that I always wanted to find. You know, the one who has been through life and knows about life and lived to tell about it and is willing to share about it.

Today I want to share how all this letting go and stuff is hard.

How some days it doesn't even feel like my house, much less my life.

My nest is getting smaller and while I feel kinda like wait how did this all happen, I keep reminding myself

that this is in fact the work that I have been doing for the past 21+ years.

Working on getting my nest smaller.

So, I guess the biggest question I've been getting as of late is how? How are you getting your older kids married? Well, the Lord certainly has been gracious and He has been so sweet to send us some wonderful spouses for Taylor and now Tucker but it truly is an answered prayer.

Scott was reading to me about a bible study he was doing in the book of 1 Samuel . And Hannah was the main focus.

 Sweet Hannah.

 She wanted a baby so much and yet couldn't have one and she prayed

and God heard her. I love that He heard her. I mean do we pray that our prayers storm past the gates

of heaven and right to the throne room of our Savior?  Where he cocks his head and raises a hand and says "wait Hannah is praying again".

   

She basically said, Lord please give me a child and I will give him back.

and she had a baby boy.

  

so I'm sure she nursed him and diapered him and clothed him and sang to him.

I'm sure she worried over him when he was sick.I'm sure she lay next to him and

and said thank you Lord at least a million times.

That's not in the bible, but we're a lot alike me and Hannah, and I did that with all my babies

so I'm sure she did too.

But when it was time to give him back to the Lord she did.

She opened her fist and layed him at the feet of her Savior. She finished

what she set out to do.

 She kept her promise to the Lord and she was found faithful. 

and I love her for that example

because I have to tell you that I have prayed for a child. I have stormed the gates

of Heaven and I'm not ashamed to admit I begged God for all these babies 

and like Hannah I'm sure somewhere in all that begging I said I would let them go

and give them back when it was time. 

But that was years right and years take well

years....

and I needed to speak to Hannah when God told me it was time to let Taylor go.

I needed her example and her bravery and I needed her strength.

and when my years with Taylor and Tucker came up I emptied myself.

I couldn't believe it was time. I thought about the time. I even tried to prepare myself and yet when it's 

time your heart is never really ready. But like Hannah, I whispered through the years

I'm doing God's work. I'm training Her/Him for the Lord.

and when God said let go

I have plans to grow My kingdom

I didn't hold on.

I cried, yes.

I missed the way my home felt when they were all there, yes.

I wondered if I forgot anything, yes.

I try and hold on to memories of thumb sucking toddlers who

use to sleep in my bed, yes.

  but   

I have 6 more promised to the Lord

I have much work ahead of me. I promised Him. I plan on doing my end of the bargain.

It's hard work though. I know what I'm doing now. I know I'm emptying my nest and my heart

as I teach and train. I look at them and wonder what service they will find doing for the Lord.

But like Hannah I just keep my eyes fixed at the task at hand.

I do my work that the Lord has set out before me.

like, 

three guys to teach before the Lord says ok let me have him back.

It's never easy but I pray that I can be like Hannah. Strong and brave

and dependable with what is His. We talk marriage a lot around here and I believe that is one reason

both Taylor and Tucker married early. People laugh at one of our sons. The tall guy in the back.

So Coop, what do you want to do when you get older and he clears his throat and says

I want to be married when I'm 18.

There is no doubt in my mind that he probably will be. We save our money so that we can help them start a business or build a house. We plan. We are trying to leave our children an inheritance and so that doesn't look very good for our retirement fund or my old people home. We just invest our time, energy, and yes money into the future. We are not selfish with what the Lord has let us borrow. 

You can't be if you're investing in something.

We teach on the future. We do bible studies on marriage and what it takes to be married.

We keep our guys around men who love marriage.

We don't watch t.v. shows that degrade marriage.

We teach them that to be married is a gift.

A wonderful beautiful gift and they know it's true.

and I know it's true.

So we invest,

 And we're all in.  

Just in case you have ever wanted an older woman in your life, pull up a chair, flip your Bible open to 1Samuel  and read about Hannah.

Blessings from the farm.