Monster's In The stall

I've been home-schooling for 12 years. It's not always the easiest  thing to do and there are times that I look at those women in Wholefood Market with their neat little binders and their yoga pants (because I know they just got finished doing something calm and relaxing) and I have to wonder to myself if I have lost my ever living mind and I chuckle to my Lord because he entrusted me to all of this.
 My buggy is currently holding enough food for a small army and that army enjoys hanging off of it and I'm working up a sweat just trying to navigate the thing. I totally ignore the looks from the curious onlookers those prim and proper foodies..I know what their thinking and heck I don't blame them.

We are a freak show most of the time and I've come to love that about us. I've come to accept that about us..

   

As luck would have it I'm on the other side of the store when one of these precious schoolers has to go to the bathroom.
I'm sure my face says it all. 

Didn't we just leave the bathroom? Didn't I just ask you if you had to go? and I remember you saying" no mama".

..I remember these things...

My sanity depends on it.
She stares at me as though she knows I'm just having a moment and that I won't risk the outcome if I don't take her.

So I push my way past all the relaxed organics and park the ole buggy and take the 5 year olds inside to do their business.

This all sounds simple enough but...

Nothing is ever simple in a large family.

It's dramatic and most of the time loud. Laughter from the crew can be heard from outside the girls restroom, I wonder what's going on, 

but I have other problems at the moment.

    

Josie and Ellie have a small issue that I'm sure some good therapist could make some cold hard cash from me trying to figure out. Their fear of this white porcelain monster that lays in wait for them to sit on it's back and then it will surely swallow them, at least that's what they think has brought them to their little brown knees with fear.
I have tried everything..
holding their little hands
skittles
m&m's
hard mama
you get the idea..

So I stay calm because I know it's coming.

The fear

The all of a sudden not needing to go the bathroom

The "I can hold it until forever" whine.

But I'm not buying it and I tell her to get up there and I choose

you Josie to go first.  It's hard sacrificing one of these precious 5 year old girls, and the fear from her face is calling me the worst mama ever.

I hold her hand and whisper things in her ear so the others in the stall next to us won't think we actually have a monster in our stall.

Me... Okay I got ya just jump right up. 
Josie... straddles the white monster and is peeing as fast as she can.

Me... Baby it's fine I got you and you got this..

She's going for the tissue and she smiles a big smile. She has survived yet another encounter. I grab her just in time before the automatic flusher sucks her right down.

All is right in the world.

    

Now it's Ellie's turn and she feels all confident since she didn't witness the disappearance of Josie. Surprisingly she jumps up and sits right down.

Well miracle of miracles

I'm high 5-ing her and she is so proud.

But... I forgot...I was supposed to save her in the end.
but in all fairness she was still wiping it wasn't time for me to save her yet.

the minute her little tiny bottom came up off the seat it automatically flushed and bless her, she was right in the middle of wiping and the monster came alive! and she threw the toilet paper at it and ran.

Worst Mother Ever moment.

Should have known

Starting back at ground zero

Now she doesn't trust me. No matter how many times I've saved her in the past she remembers that one time in wholefood.
geez parent-hood is hard.   

So, such is life and as far as homeschooling, the days are hard and beautiful and complex.

The minutes spent being here with them is just breathtaking

with the over-all beauty of them being about the business of growing up right before my very eyes.

I can't imagine not hearing their laughter in these halls of mine.

Our hearts tied and my commitment to teaching them to read and write and so much more.
but I never said it was easy.
Beautiful yes, but when you are birthing individuals it's hard work
and sometimes the beauty looks more like a construction site but the vision of seeing them to adulthood in one piece and perhaps still loving me keeps me motivated on most days.  

  

We serve together and feed the homeless together, read together,

dream together. 

It's a privilege to be their mama and although there are days that I envy the mama who look as if she's having a deep thought, I really wouldn't trade it for the world. 

My deep thoughts usually don't end well anyway:) 

Love From The Farm,

Robin