adoption part 2

Dear Isabella,

The day you were born was a warm cloudy day.

Your birth-mom woke up with contractions but she didn't know if they were the real thing or not. She called her doctors, who happen to also be my doctors. They told her that she was "too calm" to be in labour and she was probably just having braxton hicks. They didn't know her very well because your birth-mom is more calm than just about anyone I have ever met.

She kept hurting and about 3:00 that afternoon she told her dad he had to take her to the hospital. He was so funny telling us how his arm knew it was the real thing becuase she squeezed it all the way to the hsopital. When she got there she was already 8cm.

In the mean-time I had no idea any of this was going on and we were getting ready for supper when the phone rang.

It was her dad saying "I don't think it's gonna be much longer" I was saying you mean it's going to be today? He laughed his deep laugh and said yeah I think y'all need to head this way."

I remember the emotions of complete and total happiness and nervousness

but the background noise of all of your brothers and sisters cheering and hollering and throwing all their things in the car and high fiving each other brought me back to the present quickly.

Your daddy had happend to take off work early and was almost home when I got to run out and tell him the news.

We were nervous!

 We dropped all the kids off at Taylor's house and took a very familiar drive to the hospital that has delivered every one of our babies. We were smiling this time though and the tears were tears of gratefulness and nervousness.

See, we knew that your birth-mom could change her mind and we knew that we would be okay if she did.

We had grown to love her and respect her so much over the past 6 weeks and we were just on her side regardless of what happend that night.

I think daddy and I prepared our hearts for the fact that we may not come home with you.

We felt peace

We got to the hospital and our attorneys and social workers had told us we had no rights there. None! We may get to see you we may not. We would just have to bascially wait on the birthmom, so believe me when I say we expected nothing at all. We were in the waiting room with your birthmom's dad and your birthdad's mom.

Time seemed to go so so slow in the next 5 hours.

I had to go the bathroom several times because I would just break down in tears for your birthmom because I knew the reality of giving up a baby (baby William) and I really knew that her heart would be hurting and my mama heart was breaking for her.

Your birthparents were in the delivery room when you were born. Your birthdad was so protective of her and I came to love him that night as I watched him be with her and never leave her side.

The text finally came through that you had been born at 10:23 at night.

Your grandfather went back first and he came out teary eyed and couldn't really talk to anyone. He did manage to say that you had a head full of dark hair.

It was our time...Our time

We opend the double doors leading to where you were.

Scott and I grabbed hands and I remember looking up at him and saying what if she changed her mind?  He kissed my hand and said we're better because of all of this but I don't think she's going to.

I knew he didn't know just like I didn't know but sometimes even when you don't know you keep walking down that hallway, God will reveal His plan soon enough.

We got to her room and tapped on the door

and we went in and the room was filled with such peace.

I mean it was tangible peace. The kind that passes all understanding. Your birthparents were holding each other and you were being cleaned up and they were just watching you and their eyes were filled with so much love and tenderness.

I hugged her and I hugged him and I told them both how very, very proud I was of them.

They had made decisions that would forever change their life and forever change your life.

Hard choices to do the right thing for the love of you.

I didn't want to just run to you because I was trying so hard to be careful of my place. I slowly made my way to your little self and I honestly caught my breath when I saw you.

You were so beautiful!

You were perfect in every way.

Your skin was so pink

Your lungs worked great

but you had the craziest hair I had ever seen.

The nurse said "you're the adopted mom" and my hearts bottom fell out because I knew she hadn't changed her mind. She had told her nurse all about us and our big family.

I said yes I am and she said do you want to hold her? I remember looking back at your birth-mom and asking if it was okay and she said yes course..

I held you for the first time and you fit perfectly in my arms.

I walked over to where daddy was and I handed you to him and he was shaking. We both were in awe at your perfection and while they both watched us we took you in.

We gave you back to your birth dad and I leaned over the bed to kiss your birth mom and I told her that we would be in the waiting room if she needed us for anything. She looked up at me and said

 "why don't y'all stay in my room with us?"

I have been shown great hospitality in my life but nothing could have prepared me for those words.

Y'all stay with us

             

I am forever changed by those words

In her hardest of times she invited us to stay

Lord help me to be more like her.

We went back in the waiting room and I was saying Scott can you believe she offered us a couch in her room?

We both knew what a gift it was

We got a text a few minutes later and we took the walk up to her little room. 

Her and your birthdad were holding you in her small bed.

her dad was sitting in the recliner

and Scott and I had the couch. It was so surreal for me watching everything going on around me.

They gave you your fist bath and I got to take your picture.

Every click of my camera I had to wipe tears away.

So much happiness So much Pain in one little room.

I'm sure the fire marshal would not have approved because we were crammed in for sure.The nurses were so sweet and they all looked the other way.They knew the situation and I think they were trying to help.

That first night your birthmom needed help going to the restroom and I helped her and then she asked me to braid her hair and I sat on the end of her bed and combed her hair and braided it and  I listened in that wee morning hour her tell me every detail of your birth.

She kept telling me over and over again thank you for anything I would do.

She was every single one of the nurses favorite patient because she was calm and thankful.

 Sweet and refreshing

They would often find us side by side in her bed holding you.

We were laughing at your hair and your cry.

We would dress you up and take a millon pictures.

Your daddy would go get coffee and food for anyone that needed it. Or he would nap on the couch.

You never left that small room

the room filled with the people who loved you most.

You were surrounded in those first days with all of our love in a very tangible way. You will always be loved by all of them and there is hardly a day that I don't text some cute picture of you and she text back saying

"please kiss her and tell her how much I love her."

 and 

I always do and I will always remind you of her

great love for you.

when we had no where to stay she gave us a place

even though it would of been easier to say no

she gave

She gave you life Isabella and she adores you...

I will never let you forget how much you have to be thankful for.

and my prayer

is that you will be a life giver just like her..

With Thankfulness,

mama